Biggles Recipes

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Phil - Whale Soup Inuit

The Inuit*, a tribe of Eskimos, handed down this ancient recipe from generation to generation. Whale Soup was offered to favoured guests, and also made for special occasions and celebrations. Delicate herbs, marine mammal flavours, and sheer bulk combine to make this a real winter warmer. It's a meal in itself!

Ingredients:

  • A whale
  • 9 tonnes of carrots
  • 2 tonnes of celery
  • 1 tonne of potatoes
  • 7500 cloves of garlic
  • 35 kilos Thyme
  • 30 kilos Rosemary
  • 10 kilos salt
  • Add pepper to taste (we used 50 kilos - about 1 cwt)
  • 1250 gallons of fresh cream

You will need:

  • A large axe (we used a felling axe and cheated a bit! We had a 24" chainsaw)
  • A large vessel
  • Planning permission
  • A builders skip

Preparation:

First, using the axe, skin the whale and remove the blubber. Put the blubber to one side. You will need this later.

Peel the carrots and dice them. A builders skip holds about nine tonnes if you put doors up against the sides like a proper builder.

Peel and dice the potatoes

Top and tail the leeks, cut into one inch chunks.

Chop the whale into little bits

In a pretty large pan, blanche the bits of whale, then add 25 gallons of water.

Add the potatoes, carrots and celery and bring to the boil.

Whilst you are waiting, finely chop the rosemary and thyme, and crush the garlic. We found this took about a week.

Add the herbs and simmer for two weeks.

Meanwhile, take a large pan and bring the blubber to the boil. Note. It is a good idea to warn your neighbours about this as some people find the stench a little offensive. A good tip here is to warn your neighbours not to hang out their washing, try to stay indoors and keep their windows shut and not to let their pets out.

As the blubber begins to boil, add the fresh cream (which may have gone off a bit by now) and add the whole mixture to the soup. Bring to the boil and simmer for a further four days.

Serving Suggestions:

Serve piping hot with a crusty roll. For that authentic feel try serving in a hand carved wooden bowl in a smoky atmosphere from an open wood fire in a room which smells of stale piss.

Serves 265,000 give or take a few.

*Biggles never knowingly offends minority groups. However, if we are to offend anyone, we reckoned we would not have much trouble from the Intuits, seeing as how they are so far away and generally speak Inuktitut and not English.

 

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