The Inuit*, a tribe of Eskimos, handed down this ancient recipe from
generation to generation. Whale Soup was offered to favoured guests,
and also made for special occasions and celebrations. Delicate herbs,
marine mammal flavours, and sheer bulk combine to make this a real winter
warmer. It's a meal in itself!
First, using the axe, skin the whale and remove the blubber. Put the
blubber to one side. You will need this later.
Peel the carrots and dice them. A builders skip holds about nine tonnes
if you put doors up against the sides like a proper builder.
Peel and dice the potatoes
Top and tail the leeks, cut into one inch chunks.
Chop the whale into little bits
In a pretty large pan, blanche the bits of whale, then add 25 gallons
Add the potatoes, carrots and celery and bring to the boil.
Whilst you are waiting, finely chop the rosemary and thyme, and crush
the garlic. We found this took about a week.
Add the herbs and simmer for two weeks.
Meanwhile, take a large pan and bring the blubber to the boil. Note.
It is a good idea to warn your neighbours about this as some people
find the stench a little offensive. A good tip here is to warn your
neighbours not to hang out their washing, try to stay indoors and keep
their windows shut and not to let their pets out.
As the blubber begins to boil, add the fresh cream (which may have
gone off a bit by now) and add the whole mixture to the soup. Bring
to the boil and simmer for a further four days.
Serve piping hot with a crusty roll. For that authentic feel try serving
in a hand carved wooden bowl in a smoky atmosphere from an open wood
fire in a room which smells of stale piss.
Serves 265,000 give or take a few.
*Biggles never knowingly offends minority groups. However, if we are
to offend anyone, we reckoned we would not have much trouble from the
Intuits, seeing as how they are so far away and generally speak Inuktitut
and not English.